Do you ever....

...have a day where you are just tired. I mean bone tired. The kind that you feel deep in your bones? Not a bad day at all. I'm getting a lot done. Problems solved, orders tested and closed. No probs there.

I am working on my 5th cup of coffee. I know stomach problems, hight blood pressure bla bla bla. I hate Red Bull. Enegry drinks have little of no effect for me so I just don't waste my money on them. I'de rather have a bottle of good wine for the money anyway. sharing it with my girlfriend is soooooo much better anyway. Our discussion over a bottle od wine are wonderful.

No I am just tired. I need a vacation. I haven't had a real vacation in about 4 years. A vacation where I don't have to make decisions, clean, cook, go shopping and all that you need to do to take care of close family members.

I live in Germany. Yep there it is again. Last year my mother passed away. Before she did she called me home. I was there 3 days after the call. My mother was always very proud of a clean house, done laundry and home cooked FROM SCRATCH meals. when I got home to my parents I knew something was not right. So I took it apon myself to help where I could. I did laundry, cleaned, went shopping and got everything back in order. My mother was both thankful and shamed. I tried to calm her by telling her that it was still her hand that guided me. She had taught me years ago to do all those things and to do them right. It was my mother that gave me the love for cooking and baking. For pleasing people with good food. She seemed happy with that.

I was home for 4 weeks. When I cam back home I was beat. I was dead tired. Now I am bone weary. the worst part is I have very little vacation saved for myself. No I'm not bitching about anything. Family is family and will always be. I would do the same again if I could. No questions just get on a plane and go. Work hard for my parents to make sure they are safe, healthy if not happy.

But it does in fact cost me. Like on days like today. It's hard to get out of bed. I am draggin ass all day, and just tired. So I work slower and double check everything. Well shitfar it's a gottin ta be gittin dun don't it?

Am I selfish? A little. Would I decide different about my parents? Never. They need me and I am there. No questions or bad thoughts. I am happy when I can help. they were always there for me.